heaven

COFFEE WITH JESUS – With the lowly and contrite

Isaiah 57:15

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

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IF GOD HAD VOICEMAIL

From http://marmarthunder.wordpress.com/2014/01/25/if-god-had-voicemail/

th 2Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary
part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be
like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, Press 1.
For Spanish, press 2.
For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests.
Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer
it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,
press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5,then
enter his or her social security number, followed by the “pound” sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try again.

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the
numbers 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth,
life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up
and try again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

Please pray again on Monday after 9:30am.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance,please
contact your local pastor.

Thank you, and have a heavenly day.