Month: January 2014

IF GOD HAD VOICEMAIL

From http://marmarthunder.wordpress.com/2014/01/25/if-god-had-voicemail/

th 2Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary
part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be
like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, Press 1.
For Spanish, press 2.
For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests.
Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer
it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,
press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5,then
enter his or her social security number, followed by the “pound” sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try again.

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the
numbers 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth,
life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up
and try again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

Please pray again on Monday after 9:30am.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance,please
contact your local pastor.

Thank you, and have a heavenly day.

 

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IT’S TIME FOR SOME LAUGHTER THERAPY

  

Mind's Seat

Dear readers: There was a time I offered tutoring help to my stepson, Joe, when he was in high school. Karen presented the offer to Joe. He said, “No way, Mom! Kevin’s too intense!” He’s right.  

I know I have presented you with some tough topics to deal with ranging from abuse to poverty. Thank you for listening to what I say on these important issues. 

I need to give both you and me a much-needed respite from this degree of intensity. 

If we accept the belief that Christ, in addition to being divine, was human, it becomes easy to picture Him cracking a few jokes with His disciples. They would have had to have something to lighten the continuous strain of preaching the gospel. 

You will see in the Bible if you look at it as literature that Jesus loved using the literary devices of…

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LOCAL RAFFIA WINE CLAIMS 7 LIVES

The choice is solely yours

The choice is solely yours

Settling on whether to drink whatever, is a personal verdict one passes on self, though we often do not decide to bear what follows slightly or lately after. Such was the case with seven persons on New Year’s night, who decided to drink distilled raffia wine, commonly called in Cameroon “Fofo”.

In Djohong, Wina Sub-Division, Mayo-Danay Division of the Far-North Region of Cameroon, 7 persons are said to have consumed the liquor after the burial of a relation. Few minutes after, six are said to have breathed their last, while the seventh, who offered them the drink, was rushed to the hospital with chronic diarrhoea. The quick rush to the Wina dispensary did not stop this other soul from departing the body, bringing the number of deaths to 7.

According to the 2004 World Health Organization (WHO) report on alcohol consumption in Cameroon, unrecorded alcohol consumption in Cameroon is estimated at 2.6 litres pure alcohol per capita for population older than 15 for the years after 1995 (estimated by a group of key alcohol experts), while the recorded consumption stood at above 7%. This could lead to addiction, which is another serious ailment related to alcohol consumption, a difficult situation to deal with.

 Even as speculations abound as to the kind of drink that ravaged the lives of 7 persons in less than an instant, the fact at hand remains that it is alcohol. While most consumers back up with expert views that one beer a day is needed for good body functioning, there are even more real facts about alcohol that everyone should get to know first. It is no lie that even a drop of alcohol can impair judgment for a few seconds, as well as for a lifetime.

TIME TO REVIEW

I often blame the world, but now I know it is my fault

I focused on the go-ahead, and failed to take a halt.

The grass was green, and true it is, the flowers and the trees

But lo, I didn’t get to see the fiery lake and bees.

PRAYER 2

My world, my mind, and all I had, was laid upon my goal

The time to sit and think is gone, and now I’m in the hole.

I’m left but with my body soaked, with still the grass in view

I pray next time I won’t self-cloak, but take time to review.

NEW YEAR, NEW HOME FOR FATHER VANDENBEUSCH

Glad to be free

Glad to be free

Father Georges Vandenbeusch is to begin the New Year in an entirely different place from the abode he has occupied for the past seven weeks. The French priest who was kidnapped in Cameroon on November 17was released early Tuesday, December 31, 2013 according to an official statement from the French President. . He was welcomed back in France by President François Hollande, in Paris, on New Year’s Day.

The French cleric was abducted by Nigeria’s Islamist group Boko Haram near Koza in northern Cameroon, close to the border with Nigeria. According to his bishop, “around 15 gunmen burst into the compound in Nguetchewe where the priest worked”. President Hollande paid tribute to the “bravery” of the cleric, who was abducted from his parish by gunmen and moved to Nigeria.

Circumstances under which he was freed are still unclear, but the French Government insists no ransom was paid for his release, even as the French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius added that there had been “discussions”.

The 42-year-old priest revealed he lived under a tree for almost a month and a half, where he had no access to reading material or radio. This, he said, was “terrible boredom sadness and anger because I’m very fond of the parish where I worked”.

Earlier, he told reporters in Cameroon: “I am in great shape, very grateful to all those who worked to free me.” At Villacoublay air base, Mr. Hollande thanked Cameroon’s President, Paul Biya, for his help in securing the cleric’s freedom.

The Islamic Boko Haram Group, which has been designated a terrorist group by the US had earlier this year abducted seven members of a French family called Moulin-Fournier – four of them children – in northern Cameroon and held hostage for two months.