Being a single lady in my part of Africa comes with a lot of startles. Life becomes a chest with each action, reaction and non-action interpreted from the spectre of your marital status. This post in itself will come with its own questions. Lol.
Social media comes with its own free drive
- A friend once offered me a beautiful bracelet. I took a nice shot of it on my wrist and posted on my status. “Oh! I see, you posted to show you are available… there is no ring yet” someone said.
- And then, I was a bridesmaid and got some nice shots of mine “Oh, when are we coming for yours?”
- You get a good pic with a friend or acquaintance and share, and then you need to answer “Is that him? Hmmmm just ‘friend’, ‘tell us; is that all we need to know?’”
- And then Valentine’s day comes up, and you post a sweet message for whom it may concern, “May the Lord give you your own sweetheart”.
You would think we Christians will better understand God’s ways/Word. Well, get in and hear for yourself.
- On a good day after service, you’re called for a small talk “My sister, you shouldn’t be too choosy. Age waits for no one. Even the Bible says there is a time for everything. Make hay while you still got the time to”, a well-meaning father or mother would advise.
- When you get a personal experience and you say it out loud that ‘Jesus, I love you. Your love is enough for me’, they quizz “Hmmmmmm are you sure it is Jesus? In short, He will hear your prayers”.
- And when I think of a song lyric which says, “He surrounds me with his caring arms and fills my heart with His love”, they come asking “hmmmmm who is the ‘he’ here? Be explicit”. Then another will outrightly say “You do not want to get married so that you can be singing that Jesus is your love?”
- You’re listening to a beautiful song, and dancing your nuts out, then someone whispers, “Now I know the song we will play at your wedding”.
General living, growing, decision making, personal development also gets conditioned through the same spectre.
- You manage to navigate a challenging year like 2020, and early 2021, you get to manage issues like, “New year, new resolutions. So, tell me, it is this year? When exactly do we get the invitations”?
- Now, there’s this really bad road network in some places, and you’ll hear it as “Just manage with the motorbike. If you buy a car now, you will scare away potential husbands”.
- And then I realise it’s time to beef up the knowledge in my head. But then, “be careful oh, when you learn too much, you reduce your chances. Many men don’t want to have a woman who knows too much around them. You may go and start challenging them because you are better schooled than them. Slow down with school first”.
- You’re maybe considering a career jump, then you hear “that your kind of work…. who will want to marry a career-career lady? You must be wife-material. Make time to stay at home, care for the family, care for the children, etc.”
I can go on and on and on….
While I agree the issue is pertinent and that the questions sometimes make sense, and that these questions are super well-meaning, I just wonder, is this all there is to being a single lady – marriage?
I know [have heard and seen] that it is a beautiful thing – but I won’t say much, because he who has never tasted apples cannot compare it to bananas. Each has got its unique quality and benefit – if anyone makes the most of them.
What I also know is that the above, and much more, put many single women in my part of Africa under pressure – and I’d say… UNDUE PRESSURE. Well, thank God many of the questioners might not get to see this post, else, I’m sure I’d get sermons as to how thinking this way ‘disqualifies’ or “limits” me from tasting the bliss in marriage.
Don’t get it wrong, marriage is a good and honourable thing. And N.B. being SINGLE is also a super good, and honourable thing.
I am a Christian, so I’d always draw virtue from God’s Word. There are many verses that speak either of being single or of being married. However, I sum it from the perspective of Colossians 3:17 – “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him”.
“If you be single, be it unto God; and if you be married, be it unto God”.
And again, being single and having the desire to marry is a beautiful thing, and an honourable one. No one should shame whosoever has that desire; or whosoever does not have that desire. The grass is always greener on the other side, so is this issue at hand. The more reason why, it’s best to make the most of whichever side you find yourself on, for now.